Dear Family and Friends,
I want to share with you my experience during these past few days while celebrating Rosh Hashanah. Included in this letter are those in my life who I hold dear as well as those of you who have made an impact on my spiritual journey.
As some of you already know, the High Holidays have never meant much to me. While growing up I went to temple with my family, feeling excited about seeing and catching up with my friends. Also, would look forward to delicious family dinners (better described as feasts).
Prayers would be boring. Mostly because a feeling of disconnection when praying to a “King of the Universe”, begging for “forgiveness” and asking fervently to “let me live” the next year. I admit to have my own personal doubts about whether such “Judgmental G-d” even existed. Deeply inside, I felt guilty and ashamed for having such thoughts. I always assumed that questioning the existence of G-d would automatically make me “a bad Jew” or even worse, “not Jewish”. And having someone denying my Judaism would be painful, as the Jewish community is one of the most important values in my life and I’m very proud of feeling Jewish.
After reading “How to Get the More Out of Being Jewish even if…” by Gil Mann, I learned that questioning our spiritual assumptions is in fact “very Jewish”. Furthermore my questions do not make me a “bad Jew” but a “serious Jew”. Being a serious Jew means embarking into a journey looking for answers. Try to find meaning and personal connection to the Jewish spiritual traditions and rituals.
For that reason, this year I decided to act as a “serious Jew” and look for that connection rather than just be turned off by my own assumptions about the Jewish religion. As a result, here are some of my reflections:
* “G-d” - I made the conscious decision to believe. Believe in something greater than anything I know. Believe that I can approach and talk to this “G-d”. Having faith in the presence of G-d is comforting because in some unusual way, makes me feel I’m not completely responsible for all that happens or doesn’t happen to me as well as others. I’m choosing to give up control. It also engages me in an internal dialogue with my inner-self while I talk to “G-d”. This dialogue is not always easy but is rewarding.
* “Prayers are not only requests, they are also chants” - I’m very curious about yoga and meditation. Although I don’t practice it, I read that a way to meditate is to chant. Chanting supposedly makes you happy and shuts down your mind. Jewish prayers contain beautiful words and poems. Singing them made me happy. Especially along dozens of others singing the same tunes, made me feel connected and content.
* “Returning Home” – Rabbi Graubart, as always, provided a very inspirational and personable sermon. He talked about two very interesting Jewish concepts. “Teshuva “(Return) and “Bait” (Home). He gave an array of definitions of these two concepts. After listening to his sermon, I came up with my own interpretation. “Bait” is my “inner-home” where I feel comfortable and in peace. I’m now asking myself, what this “bait” looks like and what I need to "think and do" in order to “return” (arrive) to this place. While setting and accomplishing goals is not a new concept for me, it was interesting to learn that I was more receptive to experience it through Stephen Covey than from my own religion. The only difference is that these new goals are focusing on my thoughts as well as my mind and spirit rather than only on my professional and/or personal life.
Lastly, I want to share a very special moment I experienced yesterday. During a ceremony called “Tashlih” (cast away) at the beach, I threw away pieces of bread to the ocean (along with dozens of others) symbolizing the letting go of my sins: deception, stubbornness, envy, selfishness, indifference, pride and arrogance. Without carrying with the heaviness of those faults on my back, I started walking at the beach.
The day was gorgeous. The sun was starting to come down. Lots of people were either walking or running along the beach. I was barefoot feeling the different textures of the sand. From time to time the sea will reach my feet and I would feel refreshed by the cold water of the Pacific Ocean. The horizon was an endless line that would be interrupted by the shape of the powerful and relentless sun. For some reason, my mind started to chant. “Avinu Malkeynu”; “Leha Dodi”; “Aleynu Leshaveach”. I was feeling at ease and complete. Unexpectedly, a bird entered my view. This bird was perfect. The shape and colors of its feathers were absolutely stunning. It was like this bird was handmade. Then I was distracted by a man who was running. All his muscles were perfectly formed. His legs, arms, feet and entire body would move in total harmony. It was like this person was handmade. I suddenly felt I was part of something that is utterly perfect and extremely beautiful. A picture of the earth seeing from space crossed my mind. I felt incredibly small yet immensely powerful.
As if I am part of a “ONE”, while at the same time this “ONE” is part of me. The Shema Yisrael crossed my mind. “Shema Yisrael, Adonay Eloheinu, Adonay Ehad”…Hear O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is One.
May we all be inscribed for a Peaceful and Purposeful Year.
